When The Universe Speaks

Okay, reader I have a confession to make….

I have rewritten the introduction to this post at least five times. I don’t want to come off as being too forward or write something that might be too controversial.

True to form, I’m overthinking this post.  

My intentions are pure, this post is a part of my journey and how I am processing not only my cancer diagnosis but life itself. 

Here I grow…

There are events that occur in one’s life that force a person to reflect on the deeper meaning behind their existence.  Why am I here?  How am I here? Where do I go after here?

Cancer has definitely been that catalyst for me although I have always felt a strong connection to something bigger than me.

Throughout my life I have had experiences that have provided me with convincing, undeniable evidence that there is this all knowing power, all knowing guide. 

An energy that connects each one of us and has since the beginning.  

Some religions refer to it as God, Allah, Creator, etc. For the purpose of this post, I will refer to this higher power or source as the UNIVERSE. 

The UNIVERSE is ever present and continuously sends us messages. Sometimes we might be too busy to hear or too distracted to listen but there is a message.

The stories I am about to share are my personal experiences in how the UNIVERSE has undeniably shown up in my life and its implications or most notably, its message.  

Yes that’s right, the UNIVERSE speaks.  

January 2005 

In January of 2005, I was driving from Madison (where I went to college) to my hometown of Westfield. I was headed home to start packing for a vacation that I was to leave on with my family in the next few days.

It was a sunny day and even though snow had fallen the evening before, the roads were mostly clear.  

I was driving onto an on-ramp to merge into highway traffic to head north.

I was looking ahead at the cars on the highway and not in my immediate lane. Unbeknownst to me, there was a big pile of snow that a snow plow had dumped in the middle of the merge ramp.  

Before I could even react, my tires hit the snow pile and I immediately spun out into the oncoming cars striking a semi.

The impact sent me rolling several times, but I somehow landed with the tires on the ground.

During the entire accident, I literally felt and saw everything happen in slow motion even though I’m sure it all occurred in a split second.

My entire car was crushed, the steering wheel was bent up, the doors smashed in.

As soon as I landed, my first thought was, “Sh**, I need to get out of this vehicle in case it blows up!”

I tried my driver side door, it was stuck and wouldn't budge.  I couldn’t get out that way so I crawled to the passenger door and somehow managed to open it.

After getting out of the car, I stumbled towards the highway where cars were now stopped and people were getting out to approach me.

I could feel blood running down my forehead. Chunks of glass sat at my lips.  

I put my hands up and waved, while shouting through labored breathing, “I’m okay! I'm okay!” 

The first gentleman approached me, checked me over quickly up and down and said desperately, “ Good, “I’ll go check on the driver!”

I have to shout back at him because he’s already sprinting towards my banged up vehicle, “I’m the driver, there is no one else!”

At this point, more people are on the scene as I see emergency vehicles start to approach. 

The first police officer to arrive on the scene was shaken up as his car just about did the same thing my vehicle did with the big pile of snow on the on-ramp.

I hear him shouting into his microphone, “GET ME A SNOWPLOW AT THIS ON-RAMP IMMEDIATELY!” as he approached me.

An ambulance pulled up and they escorted me inside and rendered me aid.  

The first gentleman who approached me told me his name was Blane and asked if he could call someone for me.

“Yes, call my mom.” I replied in tears, sharing with him her number as I looked out onto the highway and saw all my items scattered about.

Blane assured my mom that I was okay and that they would be taking me to the hospital.  I got on the phone and told my mom I loved her.  

While receiving care in the back of the ambulance, several emergency medical personnel came by to share their disbelief that I was in fact the driver as they could see no way for anyone to make it out of the vehicle.

“Are you sure you were buckled?” one of them asked.

“Yes, of course!” I replied.

“We couldn’t even get your doors open with our equipment, your steering wheel is all bent up and the roof is smashed in!” He said to me in disbelief.  

“You are very lucky to have only minor injuries.  We had to come see for ourselves how good of shape you were in based on what the vehicle looks like,” another one added.

I started to cry harder as they strapped me in to take me to the hospital.  

The whole ambulance ride to the hospital, I kept thinking, “Why did I feel so protected when I was rolling over? Why did I only have minor injuries?  All of those trained personnel were shocked at how well I was doing? What is going on?”  

Once at the hospital, my workup was unremarkable other than needing stitches on my forehead and some soft tissue injuries to my neck and shoulder.

I was extremely lucky to have escaped with only minor injuries from such a horrific car accident.  Recovering from the emotional trauma of it all took much longer than the physical healing.

For weeks, months and years after my accident, I would lie awake in bed and think, “Why would I make it out alive and the man, woman, child, etc. on the news I heard about this morning didn’t?” 

“What was that feeling or force that I felt when I started to roll?” 

I would toss and turn all hours of the night pondering these deep thoughts and what the implications of it all meant.  

Shhhh, listen. It was there.  The UNIVERSE was speaking….

November 2010

Fast forward, I’ve graduated from both undergrad and graduate school and I am working as an occupational therapist at a local Madison hospital. I have the best coworkers who have turned into close friends.

One Saturday, outside of work, my coworker friends and I decided to spend the day at the Women’s Expo at the Alliant Energy Center.  

My dear friend and co-worker Jen had it all planned out. She said, “We are going to get there early, get on every reading and massage list we can!” 

I followed Jen and the crew, collecting our free samples and enjoying many massages. Then it came time to have our energy readings done.

Jen asked me, “Have you ever had your energy reading done?”

“No,” I responded curiously, “What is it?”

“Well, we all have our energy angels that travel alongside us in this life and guide and protect us.” She shared passionately.

“Okay, I’ll give it a shot.  It sounds interesting.” I replied.

“You go first,” Jen said to me nudging me to the open chair.

I sat down and a tall, 30-40 year old man sat across from me with his right leg crossed over his left knee.

“Hi!” I said unsure how to initiate the session.

“Hello,” he responded.  

“I need to wait just a moment for the energy angels of the person who was here before you to leave and yours to come in.” He said in a somewhat serious tone.

“Okay,” I said softly while looking and thinking, “My energy angels are surrounding me?” 

“I’m ready,” my energy reader said as he looked off into the distance.

My energy reader started off by talking about my character traits, “I see that you are kind, you enjoy helping people…”

As he is talking, I’m thinking, “Okay, this could be about anyone..”

“Oh,” he says.

“Your angels are telling me about a car accident that you had five years back.”

“WHAT?!” I shout in my head as I lean over closer to hear what he has to say.

“Hmm,” I say, not wanting to give him too much info.

“Yes, they say they protected you in a roll-over crash that your steering wheel was bent up and all the sides were smashed in.” He described details of my car that were so ingrained in my brain.

Tears started to prick my eyes as I quickly wiped them away.

“Oh, my gosh. That is all so accurate.” I replied with wonder.

“Your angels want you to know they love you and they are always going to protect and guide you.” He added with his hand on his heart.

A wave of warmth fell over me. Not knowing what to say, I somehow managed to respond, “I know. I know.” 

“I also have the energy angels of your children here,” he quickly added.

“Huh, my children? I don’t have children!” I thought.  “What the heck is going on here?”

He responded, “Your children have not yet been born into this realm of existence, but they are very much here and they would like me to talk to you.”

I’m literally unable to sit in my chair, my brain is ready to explode, “WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING HERE?!” I thought.

I chuckled out loud, “Okay, I would love to hear about them!”

“Well, there are two kids.  One boy and one girl. Maybe twins, but definitely close in age.” He responded, laughing so hard that he started to cry a little.

“They are very funny and silly.” He said looking off into the distance, presumably at my not yet born children’s energy angels.  

He quickly changed his tone a little and said with some tears of laughter still in his eyes, “I need to give you some parenting advice…”

“Parenting advice? For my unborn kids? What is going on?” I thought bemused.  

“Okay, let me have it!” I said to him,

“Well, your kids are on the high frequency.  They have a LOT of energy.You cannot put your kids in front of a television. You need them to be active and get out their energy!” he pleaded with me.

“You got it! No TV! Keep them active!” I replied.

“Also, I know you are not a risk-taker, but I’m going to need you to take the next risk you can.” he said concluding our reading.

“Take the next risk I can.” I restated back to him.

“Yes!” I replied as I got up off my chair and my energy angels followed.

I met up with Jen at the other side of the booth, still in disbelief at what had just transpired.

“Well, how did it go?” Jen asked me.

“Oh, my gosh. He knew so much! He knew specific details about my car accident.  My kids' energy angels were there and then he told me to take the next risk I could!” I blurted out  quickly to Jen as we headed towards a make-over show that was about to take place.

 As I made my way to the make-over show, my head was still swarming and processing everything that just happened at the energy reading booth. 

The make-over show was looking for contestants and asked anyone interested to raise their hand.

Over 100 women raised their hands, begging to be picked for a make-over by one of the stylists. 

I  joined those women, frantically waving my hands to get picked but never expecting to be selected.

The stylist walked up to me and said, “YOU! I am going to cut your hair! I’m going to cut your hair all off!” My hair was long, down to my mid-back.  Until that moment, I had no intention of cutting it.

“WHAT?”  I thought, looking over at the man who just read my energy.

I repeated in my head what the energy reader said, “Take the next risk you can take.”

“Let's go for it!” I hesitantly said to the stylist

Needless to say, I walked away with a short, stylish haircut.

“What just happened?” I thought as I walked to my car after the Expo running my hands through my now very short hair.

Hush, quiet. Did you hear it? The UNIVERSE was speaking…..

November 2019 

Nine years passed since my fateful meeting with the energy reader. 

His predictions about my children came true: Lincoln arrived in August of 2013.  The most vibrant, funny little boy. Maya arrived two years later, in December of 2015. A wild, charismatic little girl.

True to the energy reader's words, my children are on the high energy side of the pendulum and do not do well sitting in front of the TV all day.

LIncoln and Maya constantly leave Tyler and I stunned by their quick-wit and silly personalities.

Ironically, when my kids are hanging from the ceiling or I am telling them for the 100th time, “Don’t do that, it’s not safe!” I am reminded of the parenting advice the energy reader gave me that fateful Saturday afternoon all those years ago, “Keep your kids active! Let them burn out their energy!”

On one Friday evening in the fall of 2019, after I had been diagnosed with “DENSE BREAST TISSUE” in February of that year, Tyler and I decided to take the kids to a Buck’s game in Milwaukee.

Towards the end of the third quarter, Lincoln was in the seat to my right and Tyler after him.  Maya was snuggled up in my lap, peacefully dozing off as the night wore on her.

In thinking in my head, “Ahh, this feels so good to be out here with my family.  I have my babies around me and Tyler.  Does it get any better than this?”  

Just then I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I turned around to find a beautiful, young woman with long blonde hair peering over at the kids and I.  

Thinking one of us must have dropped something and she was handing it back, I looked at her to say “Thank you” but the woman’s eyes were somewhat sad and what came out of her mouth left me stunned.

The woman put her hand on my shoulder and in a serious but comforting voice said, “I’m sorry but I just have the urge to come over and tell you that I am praying for you.”

“HUH?  What did she say?  She is praying for me?  Why is she sad?” My mind raced as I looked at her up and down for any non-verbal cues that would elicit this type of response but I came up with nothing.

She must have read my confused expression so she elaborated, “I just felt this urge to come over and tell you what I felt.  That what you are going through or about to go through is heavy.  The load is heavy and I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.  You are going to get through it.” 

At this point, the woman had her hand on her heart and some tears in her eyes.   

“Thhhank you?” I somehow managed to get out as she gently squeezed my shoulder and left.

I looked over at Tyler stunned, “Tyler, Tyler, did you hear that?  Did you see that?” I shouted to him but he was too distracted by the game.

“What?” he asked looking over in my direction.

“Did you see that woman talking to me and hear what she said?” I asked looking behind me but the woman was gone.

I explained what all happened to Tyler while walking back to the car. He was just as confused as me, “Who knows? People can be crazy!” he said.

I was bewildered, what would make someone come over and say that to me especially since it was a fun, loving night out with my family?

Why had she disappeared so quickly?  Why couldn’t she have given me some more details on what she “felt?”  What did all of this mean?

I have spent the past two years wondering what that conversation meant and then when I was diagnosed with cancer, I kept thinking “Did she know I had cancer? Was she talking about my cancer burden?”  

I know you heard it.  You did, right?  The UNIVERSE was speaking…

March 2022

As I reflect on my 38 years of life and all the experiences that I have had, there’s always been meaning and energy behind each event.  

The UNIVERSE has spoken to me in subtle quiet ways and in loud, in your face, can’t deny what just happened, ways.  

I would be lying if I said during those louder moments, I didn’t spend waking hours and some late nights pondering what it all meant.

However, as I travel this convoluted, up and down, bumpy as hell road that is cancer, I no longer wonder how or why the UNIVERSE is telling me something. 

Instead, I feel compelled to stop.  To stop and listen.  To listen to what the message is. 

In listening, the message I have received during my cancer diagnosis is simple. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  

I have never been alone, have I?

I have the UNIVERSE and my energy angels doing this life alongside me, guiding and protecting me. 

It also provides me comfort to know that my energy angels and those of my two favorite humans have been hanging out well before my babies came into this existence and will long after we leave this earthly world. 

And reader, we too are all connected in some way, I know it.  I feel it.  

And so I challenge you reader, to look at the ways the UNIVERSE talks to you and rather than whisking by and ignoring it, STOP.  

STOP and LISTEN.  

You won’t be disappointed.